


Cat People Dog People

by AnAngryRat



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Neighbors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-14 05:01:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7154624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAngryRat/pseuds/AnAngryRat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who's the fuckhead that owns the cat that keeps fucking with Kylo Ren's dog?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How the Fuck?

**Author's Note:**

> For the dude who wears a tank top all the time, and has tatted muscled arms and long black hair pulled into a sloppy pony tail who lives a around the corner from my parents.

It was four in the morning. Hux was running on three hours of sleep and six cups of coffee which is why he nearly shat himself and screamed when there was loud pounding on the door. He took off his headphones and haphazardly placed them on rushed presentation sitting on the table. The pounding continued. Hux pinched his brow and bit his cheek to compensate for the massive headache he already had at whatever confrontation this was going to lead to.  
“What?” Hux snapped slamming the door open. He was met by two glaring black eyes.  
“Keep your fucking cat inside your fucking house,” growled the other man. Hux sneered.  
“Millie is inside only whatever—“ He was cut off by a cat carrier being shoved into his face. He stumbled back clutching on to the carrier and startled by the familiar mews coming from it.  
“Keep.” Hux was suddenly aware of how much bigger the other man was. “It.” Long black hair tickled his face as the guy loomed over him. “Away.” He had a long nose for it to be so close to his own. “From my.” There was a breath of air as the man stepped back. Hux got a good look at his neighbor who was miraculously wearing less than usual. “Dog!” He roared slamming Hux’s door in his wake.  
Hux turned the cat carrier around. There was an orange cat in it. With the cut across its eye. Hux sighed, opened the carrier and pulled out a can of Meow Mix. He watched Millie the fat wench eat her food with gusto. Seemed like he owed someone a minor apology.

Kylo went out for his usual morning run at six o’clock sharp with Chewie his brand new Pitbull. He put in his headphones and started stretching while the seven-year-old three-legged mutt blinked lazily at him. Kylo sighed and scrubbed the old fucks head. His therapist thought the dog would help with his anxiety. All it’s done so far is ramped it up to eleven. Well it was more his neighbor’s cats fault. Kylo grit his teeth and began his jog.  
His next door neighbor was a pretentious looking redhead that always looked like he stepped in dog shit. Kylo had a wandering thought of lighting dog shit on fire on his porch but with one glance at Chewie panting away, he tossed it aside. Bastard didn’t need any more on his back. Mr. Neighbor probably didn’t either. He was still in a suit when Kylo had barged in the other night. Poor fuck. At least being a bouncer made it make sense that Kylo was up so late, the businessman probably didn’t need to be up that early. With his jacket off. And tie loose. And shit sleeves rolled up in a tantalizing fashion.   
Kylo sped up, Chewie happily following along beside him. He made his usual five miles down to three because Chewie wasn’t handling the pace as well as Kylo was. He rounded the corner and caught sight of bright red hair crossing the fence between his yard and Mr. Neighbor’s. Kylo slowed up to his driveway and saw a small package. He let go of Chewie’s leash allowing him to sniff it out while he did his cool down stretches.   
Kylo went over and picked it up reading the note on top:  
Dear Neighbor,  
It appears that my cat has been escaping through a small hole in the guest bedroom window.  
B. Hux  
P.S. Hope your…animal likes dog treats.  
Kylo scrunched his brows and opened up the package. It had a couple of bone shaped cookies in a plastic container. He pulled it out sniffed it then fed it to Chewie with a shrug. Mr. Neighbor was a lot stranger than he’d originally thought.


	2. Who the Fuck?

Hux was very confused. He had been walking into his house exactly on schedule yet here he finds himself on the ground seeming to have _tripped_ of all things. He turned over and checked his bag and laptop finding them still in peak condition…his chow mein though not so much. He then decided to investigate his fall. There was his container for the dog treats Phas made. He picked it up and pocketed it. He was going to meet her soon anyway.

            A half hour later and a pair of loose jeans and polo shirt later Hux was sitting at her kitchen table handing her the container. She eyed it sipping on her beer.

            “What did you want my dog treats for anyway?”

            Hux shrugged watching her son Finn tackle Rey in the yard. “To make amends with whoever is living at Luke’s place.”

            Phasma coughed. “Rey?”

            Hux shook his head. “No the monster with the three legged Pitbull.”

            She took a long pull from her bottle. “I think that’s Luke’s nephew.”

            “Huh.”

            Phasma leaned in close to him and whispered conspiratorially, “You know I don’t think I’ve actually seen him. I’ve only heard Luke talk about him when I go to drop Rey off from time to time.”

            Hux spun his bottle around with false aloofness. “Fascinating.”

            Phasma raised an eloquent eyebrow. “He fit?”

            Only in the American way where he runs with his dog at three in the morning and wears only tank tops that show off his arms and sometimes when his hair is down he looks like a lost puppy and he has this nice pattern of moles across his face and there’s also that ass in loose shorts…

            “Not particularly,” Hux answered finally.

            Phasma smirked. She tilted her head around him to check the time on the stove behind him. “Do you think you can take Rey home? Finn needs to spend more time on his maths.”

            “Do not!” Finn shouted from outside.

            “Can’t I stay?” Rey whined beside him.

            “No,” Phas said breaking into her military voice. They both made horrible shrill whining noises. Hux grit his teeth and finished off the rest of his beer. Crotch nuggets, why any self-respecting adult would have any is still a mystery.

            Phasma turned to him. “So, can you?”

            He rolled his eyes and nodded standing up. “See you Thursday?”

            Phasma raised her glass. “Always my dear.”

            Hux called for Rey. She ran up to him showing all four of her missing teeth and an oversized grin. Hux held out a hand and she delicately put her own in it and they walked on. She chattered nonsensically about toys and the movements of a car engine and how to make a potato power a lightbulb. Hux nodded along only understanding every fifth word due to her horrific lispth. Children. Hux wanted to scrunch up his nose at the thought.

            Midway through an explanation of how clouds are made Rey let out a horrifying scream. Hux tensed.

            “RENNY!!” She squealed sprinting from him to a surprised looking Renny an unlit cigarette hanging from a plush bottom lip. Renny caught her pulling her up on to his hip in one stragely fluid movement that made his denim shorts slide dangerously lower showing Hux a delicious bit of skin between the edge of seriously white tank top and his black boxers. His eyes darted up once he caught his name in Rey’s babble.

            “Bernard thook me home!” she said splaying her arms out and leaning back dangerously in Renny’s arms. Renny looked up from her with an uncomfortable grimace like smile towards Hux.

            “Bernard,” he said voice still a surprising baritone. He stuck out a hand.

            Hux took it. “Renny.”

            He glared at him jumping a little to hoist Rey higher up. “My name’s Kylo.”

            “The only people who call me Bernard are my father and,” Hux choked on the word, “children.”

            Kylo leered. “Then what would you like to be called?”

            “Hux.” He answered tone clipped. Slowly backing out of the driveway he added, “I’ll make sure my cat stays away from that _thing_ you call a dog.”

            Hux saw a flash of rage cross his eyes before he seemed to remember Rey was there too.

            “Screw you too, buddy.”

 

            At three am Kylo prepared for his morning run getting Chewie leashed up and…Chewie was gone. A lead weight settled in his stomach as he began silently searching the house. He wasn’t with Rey, Luke’s door was locked, and he wasn’t in the bathroom, the kitchen…the panic set in. Where the fuck did the dog go? Kylo sighed in relief when he heard vicious barking coming from outside.

            He went out and found Chewie pathetically trying to jump the fence into the backyard away from the large orange tabby cat that was hissing at him. Kylo grit his teeth and tackled the cat. The bitch melted in his arms. He rolled his eyes and scratched her ears.

            “Chewie,” he hissed calming the dog down, “inside.” He said gesturing toward the door. The dog headed inside head down. Kylo closed the door behind him before taking off for _Bernard’s_.

            He knocked on the door. Bernard walked out bleary eyed and stubbled. It wasn’t absolutely adorable. It wasn’t. Nor was the low cut of his plaid sleeping pants sexy…

            “What?” Hux asked his accent sharpening the word.

            Kylo handed him the cat and walked away not even stopping when there was a loud yell of “THIS ISN’T EVEN _MY_ CAT!!”


	3. When the Fuck?

            Hux almost smiled when Phasma coked on her spit when she saw the cat carrier under his arm.

            “Want a cat?”

            Phasma blinked and then stumbled when Poe shoved her slightly to the side to see what was going on.

            “Huh,” he grunted in that apathetic way only teenagers could.

            Hux saw an opportunity. “Hey, do you think your parents want a cat Poe?”

            Poe eyed the cat cautiously. “ _Papi_ is allergic. Sorry.”

            Hux sighed and brushed inside using a cat as a battalion to shove aside the other two people.

            “Finn!” he shouted. Pattering of feet followed the presence of the child.

            “Bernard,” he said enthusiastically, running up to cautiously inspect the cat carrier.

            “I’ve got a present for you,” Hux said.

            “No,” Phasma gasped. Hux turned his smile biting.

            “Yes!”

            Finn gaped grasping the cat carrier. “Really Bernard?”

            “Yes!”

            Phasma’s heels clicked away to the kitchen. “I need a drink.” Hux turned to follow on to come up short in front of Poe.

            “Think you can help him get that critter settled,” Hux said gesturing with a thumb over his shoulder. Poe narrowed his eyes.

            “Sure.”

            “Thanks,” Hux said stepping around him. Phasma was shooting back probably her second shot of whiskey. Hux stepped in and took the third shot.

            “What the fuck?” she demanded. Hux took a moment to recover from the burn.

            “The elusive Renny dropped him into my lap at three am yesterday. Call this payback for the Bernard thing.”

            “That was years ago. This cat is going to out live…Never mind. Well played.” Phasma took a swig right out of the bottle. “Is it chipped?”

            “Nope.”

            “Does it have balls?”

            “Nope.”

            Phasma swallowed nervously. “Claws.”

            “Yes.”

            She slumped into the counter leaning her head on her arms and groaned. "Fuuuuuck."

            Hux nodded and stole the whiskey back. He took a long, long drag.

            “You better enact some kind of revenge,” Phasma said her voice icing the very air. Hux leered.

            “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

 

            Couldn’t open the front door. He couldn’t go for his post work run because the door wasn’t opening. Chewie scratched at it with a small whine. Kylo rammed himself against the door a couple of times. He backed away rubbing his shoulder. It was unlocked…something’s got to be blocking it. Kylo went around through the back door and hopped the fence Chewie following at his heals until a pathetic thump when stopped by the fence.

            He blinked at the sight that was his front door. There was a cat carrier duct taped to it. The rest of the door was duct taped closed. He gaped.

            When…? He had gotten home an hour ago and would have definitely hear this being done… Kylo was in a daze. There was no way. How even…There was a flash of red in the carrier. Kylo went up and opened it like a mail box grasping the letter and ripped it opened.

            _Dear Kylo,_

_Inside is a picture of my cat and a picture of the cat you handed me three nights ago. It cost sixty dollars to spay and neuter him and a hundred and fifty for his shots and to get him chipped. I expect recompense. Buy me dinner. I like sushi, and ramen. Make it expensive._

_Your loving neighbor, Hux_

            Kylo crumpled the letter. He practiced his breathing techniques until the edges of red receded from his sight. Then he began to remove the duct tape from the door way. Well, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a short one. I had a busy day.


	4. Why the Fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when this became a prank war...but it did.   
> (I also don't know where this is going but what else is new)

            Hux smiled and put out his cigarette when Kylo came up to his doorstep. It was six in the afternoon and he was dressed in head to toe black his hair sloppily pulled into a bun. His shirt didn’t do much to hide the tentacles that wrapped around his muscled arms. Hux enjoyed the view his eyes slowly rolling up Kylo’s body until he reached a furiously red face and a pair of eyebrows trying unsuccessfully to cover his eyes.

            “Hi,” Hux said licking the last of the cigarette smoke from his lips.

            “How did you do that?” he asked crossing his arms. Hux stood up.

            “Easy.”

            “Easy?”

            Hux got close to his face and waved. “Magic.”

            Kylo rolled his eyes and pushed Hux away. Hux laughed.

            “Going to work?” He said glancing at the silhouette of a dancing woman on the back of t-shirt.

            Kylo shifted, Hux appreciated the movement of his biceps. “Yes,” he said the word coming with extreme force.

            “Stripper?”

            “Bouncer.”

            Hux grinned and wrinkled his nose in a way that he knew was outlandish.

            “Here to offer me dinner?”

            “Here to ask, why the fuck you duct taped my door.”

            Hux lifted himself to his full height. “Cause it was fun.” He looked up contemplating. “Gonna ask me to dinner?”

            Kylo blushed and walked backwards out of his driveway before turning around and running to his beat up pinto. Hux cackled.

 

            There was an ominous creak. Kylo paused his ministrations. Green eyes flashed at him from between the curtains on the glass windows. Kylo narrowed his eyes at the cat. It flicked its tail. What a fucker.

            Kylo continued placing the fly paper over the back porch eye’s never leaving the cat.

            “Don’t fuck this up for me,” he hissed.

            “Don’t fuck what up?”

            Kylo had to choke back a yelp.

            “What are you doin’ Renny?” Rey said peering around him to stare at the carefully placed flypaper lining the concrete. Kylo looked between her and the cat unsure of who to look at. His eyes landed on the cat.

            “I’m pranking Mr. Hux.”

            “Why?” she came into his peripheral her hands clasped behind her back and Powerpuff Girl onsie stretching over her small belly.

            “He pranked us.”

            “When?”

            “A couple of nights ago. You were asleep.”

            “Was it like when you came back from work?”

            “Yes.”

            “Oh.”

            Kylo placed the last strand of fly paper down. He then taped the letter with the dinner reservations on to the sliding glass window.

            “We’re done now,” Kylo said turning to pick her up. He quietly hopped the fence with her on his shoulders before jogging home her giggling in his ear.

            “Bernard, is going to be so mad,” she said when they made it back inside. Kylo set her down.

            “I certainly hope he is.”


	5. Where the Fuck? (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Date Awakens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting half of this because it's taking a long time to get this out.

A grin spread its way across Hux’s face when he saw the letter taped outside his siding glass window. He opened the back door and stuck a hand around to grasp the letter then closing the door, never stepping foot outside the house. He practically danced while opening it. Millie wrapped herself around his ankles. He bit his lip while reading it.

            _Wednesday 8 am._

            Classy Kylo Ren. Classy. Hux picked up Millicent and hugged her. He got a date and it’s from a ripped guy who can fuck him into the carpet and leave fucking rug burns for weeks. Millie mrowed. Hux stopped and looked at her. She was dead silent as usual watching him with a superior glare. There was another whimper. Hux looked back out the glass door.

            There was Phasma’s cat, Kirk, and its victim a dead bird. Hux locked Millie in his room and opened the back door again this time noticing all the dead bugs stuck the fly tape and then the cat and bird unfortunately tangled in it. This time Hux laughed outright. What a fucking idiot.

            He carefully balled up the fly paper then extracted the cat only gaining five open wounds in the process. Phasma greeted him and Kirk with distaste.

            “Finn,” she shouted over her shoulder. The boy skidded through the hall behind her and practically fell into sight.

            “What?” He gasped taking in the scene before his eyes widened. “Bernard? Kirk? What happened?”

            Hux smiled. “Your cat got out. I got him cleaned up and safe but you better watch the doors better.”

            Hux handed Finn the cat and Finn pulled Kirk close to his chest. “I’m sorry for causing you trouble.” He mumbled before running off to his room cat still being clutched.”

            Phasma watched him go with a sickeningly fond look. “How’d you catch the sly bastard?” She said turning back towards Hux who was still standing in the doorway.

            Hux snorted inviting himself in. “The idiot tried to prank me and the cat got caught.”

            She nodded in understanding following him to the kitchen and pouring herself a cup of water. “What he’d do?”

            “Flypaper on the back porch but he forgot to put the letter on the moving glass door. So I’d have to go outside to get it.”

            Phasma snorted. “Moron.”

            Hux nodded in agreement before leaning against the counter. He bit his lip trying to hide his smile. “He asked me to breakfast.”

            She looked at him confused. “You have work don’t you?”

            “I run my own business on an insomniac’s time schedule work is only necessary if I don’t get all the paychecks out and if someone is fucking up a major assignment.” Hux explained.

            Phasma blinked. “I still have no idea what your company does that can require so little work from you.” Hux leaned in close to her.

            “I believe, darling that’s the point.”

            She let out a put upon sigh and Hux swallowed his smirk. “You’re such a tosser,” she groaned, “Enjoy your date with tall dark and unseen by the human eye.”

            “Rey’s seen him,” Hux said childishly. He crossed his arms. Kylo was a good person to date. Right?

            Phasma patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry so much,” she said almost as if she had been reading his mind, “If the ‘date’ doesn’t work hopefully there will be sex.” She paused. “Especially with how comfortable the two of you are with invading private property.”


	6. Where the Fuck (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date goes well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well three thousand years later...here it is.

            Kylo was unsure standing outside of Hux’s front door. He felt as though he had been conned into this date. He couldn’t figure out how. Most of the time he just sort of let his emotions control him…which he was of course working on. He rubbed his face trying to rub away the humiliation. He shoved two random cats into this man’s hands and has tried to get him stuck to hundreds of pieces of fly paper. It wasn’t his fault that Hux’s fucking cat got off on egging Chewie on. His dog came back with claw marks on his nose that first night. It felt righteous to storm up and throw the cat at him. The second time was more panic filled than the first.

            The dog was a form of therapy and so was the running. When the routine is pushed out of line…Kylo breathed. The door creaked. He pushed back his bangs and grimaced.

            “I was waiting for you to knock.” Hux said. “Then I was worried that you would leave.” He chuckled awkwardly. “At least you didn’t trap Kirk in fly paper this time.”

            Kylo glared at him. Hux appeared to be unaffected closing and locking the door behind him. He placed his hands behind his back in military fashion then gestured for Kylo to lead the way. Kylo blushed and walked backwards to his motorcycle. He misjudged where the fence between the two lawns was and flipped over it. Hux looked down at him arms nestled on the top of the fence. All he did was raise an eyebrow.

            Kylo opened his mouth. Closed it. Then tried to regain some dignity by getting up. He didn’t scramble or slip his way back to standing. He did. NOT.

            “Nervous,” Hux asked rounding the corner.

            “I liked to think myself above such things,” Kylo said getting up. Hux laughed behind him before falling silent. Kylo opened the pack on the back of his motor and pulling out two helmets. He turned handing one to Hux. Hux leaned away as if he was holding out a rat. Kylo smirked.

            “Nervous?”

            Hux snatched the helmet and pulled it onto his head regally. “I like to think of myself above such things.”

            Kylo knew his shoulders were shaking in restrained laughter as he straddled the bike. Hux followed shortly after grasping onto him tightly. Kylo paused in starting up the motorcycle. Hux had a surprising amount of muscle to him. Kylo might have wanted to map that out with his tongue.

            The ride to The Cantina was fairly short and Kylo parked in the employee parking lot almost out of habit rather than necessity. The restaurant slash bar opened at 8 pm, changed to a breakfast/brunch restaurant at 5am and closed at 11.  Hux slid off the bike and stumbled shaking to the ground.

            “Seems I enjoyed the ride but the ride to not enjoy me,” he muttered. Kylo raised a brow but pulled off both his helmet and the other man’s helmet. He locked them into his basket then pulled Hux up.

            “This is where I work,” Kylo said leading him in by the small of his back inside. Hux hummed.

            “Some of my clients and underlings go here.”

            “What do you do?” Kylo said finding a table.

            Hux slid into the booth. “I’m an entrepreneur. I own a small pornography business.”

            Kylo’s jaw dropped. He tried to speak but couldn’t find the words. “Um…”

            Hux leaned onto his elbows and smiled maliciously waiting for his reply.

            “Um…” Kylo said again. “That’s new.”

            Hux looked down at the menu. “First time someone’s said that. Most the time they ask if I star. The answer is no. I’m a business man not an ‘actor’.”

            “Glad I could help.” Kylo spun the menu around. Hux’s eyes widened.

            “Christ almighty.”

            “I’ve got you for the next five breakfast’s.” Kylo started playing with the syrups and salt shakers.

            “You’re off aren’t you?”

            Kylo looked up with an apologetic grin. “Hey, Uncle.”

            Luke rolled his eyes. “You need to stop bringing your one night stands here, I can’t waste this much food on your sex life.”

            “I’m not—” Hux said at the same time Kylo said “I’m paying—”

            Hux stared at Kylo and Kylo glared at Luke.

            “I’m paying and Hux here is my date,” Kylo said through gritted teeth. Luke’s eyes flicked between the two of them and shrugged.

            “Order,” he asked tapping his pen against his notepad.

            “Banana nut waffles,” Kylo said.

            “Chicken and waffles,” Hux answered closing the menu. Luke smiled pleasantly and walked away.

            Hux worked his jaw and Kylo inspected his nails. This was going fantastic, he thought. The only thing that could make this better was if…

            “You’re uncle’s a twat.” Hux said leaning in. He wrinkled his nose in distaste. Kylo felt his lips snake into an uncertain smile.

            “Yeah, he’s not happy about how my mom treated my dad’s death,” Kylo said spinning a napkin.

           Hux stuck out his lips and tapped his fingers against the table. “Well, at least you didn’t shoot your dad like I did.”

           Kylo choked on his spit.

           “Oh,” Hux said with a horrifying lackadaisical eye roll, “don’t be like that. He didn’t _die._ He was just injured and I was able to sneak in, steal his jewels, sell them on the black market and create my own porn studio.”

           Kylo gaped and the silence hung over them until Luke brought their waffles. The man barely noticed the two of them frozen before leaving. Kylo’s mouth opened and closed awkwardly until, “Iletmydaddrivewhiledrunkandthat’swhyhe’sdead,” spilled from his mouth. Hux paused in the middle of cutting a chicken breast to look up at him. He grinned. Kylo’s insides melted a little- a lot.

           “That just makes us two fucked up fuck-ups, doesn’t it?” Hux took a bite of his food. Kylo began unwrapping his silverware to ear.

           “I guess it does.”


	7. What the Fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to the op from Erased while finishing this off...No I didn't edit it.

Kylo stared awkwardly at Hux when they got back. Hux shook out his hair and pretended his hands weren’t shaking. He could handle this. He was obviously the more mature one out of the two of them.

            “Wasn’t the worst date I’ve ever been on.” Hux stated flatly handing Kylo the helmet. The other man startled and clutched onto the rounded plastic like a lighthouse while lost at sea. Hux waited a few beats for a response before continuing. “Certainly was the most awkward one though.”

            Kylo laughed and Hux watched in awe as his chest heaved in a roar of chuckles. His voice was surprisingly deep after all. “Wasn’t the most awkward date I’ve ever been on.” Kylo eventually said replacing the helmet in the compartment behind the bike.

            “Yeah? Did your mum walk in on you having sex or somethin’?” Hux asked leaning back on the bike so he was looking up at Kylo bent over him.

            “Nah, my mom stalked us the entire time. The girl actually blocked me from every form of social media afterwards.”

            Hux whistled. Then debated for a second whether to tell him.

            “Bet I could beat that,” he said.

Kylo bracketed his arms over him. Hux watched his lips as he said, “Tell me inside.”

Hux gave him a small press of lips before standing up and walking towards the door. “Would be my pleasure.”

            Kylo stood next to his bike shoulders stiff.

            “What?”

            Kylo’s face went red and he jogged up and fumbled with his keys. “Nothing. I’ve got nothing to hide.”

            Hux narrowed his eyes and tried not to smile. Big scary Kylo Ren was embarrassed about something in the house. Probably his room. Fascinating. The door opened and Hux slid through the gap and walked to where he guessed Kylo’s room was.

            “Wait! I have to—” Kylo stuttered stumbling after him.

            Hux opened the door. He was silent taking in the sight and the posters before his eyes landed on the bed. “Oh. My sister has one of those.”

            “Oh god.” Hux turned to see Kylo covering his face.

            “What? I heard they are very popular with the—” Hux tried to find the right words, “Those Japanese cartoons…what are they called.”

            Kylo slid to sit on the floor. “Oh my god.”

            Hux snapped his fingers. “Anime! That’s right. My little sister really likes that one with the swimmers like you’re pillow.”

            Kylo laid down on the floor and let out a long groan. Hux stared at the blue eyed black haired boy on the body pillow for a second longer before looking down at Kylo. He crouched down and felt an emotion. He hadn’t felt it in a long while, what was it? Sympathy. That’s what it was. He gently touched Kylo’s arm.

            “Honestly, it’s not that bad. My dad set me up with this girl on a date and when I snuck away to go snog her brother she told him I had rejected her. He, of course, came after me to yell about the shame on our family only to find her brother six inches deep into me.” Hux rubbed Kylo’s back and sat down.

            “I told you I could beat you. Father both stalked us _and_ caught me in a crude sex act.”

            Kylo’s shoulders shook.

            “Now come on. Let’s go shag and maybe we can watch some anime. I don’t really care much for shows but I can try this.”

            Kylo looked through his hands and hair up at Hux. He grinned.

            “I think that’s doable.”

            Hux smiled back. “Excellent.”

 

“What the fuck?” Kylo snapped.

Hux shook the hand he had just slapped him with. “You’re not very good at this let me do it.”

Kylo jerked back. “That’s because you don’t say anything!” Kylo stuck his fingers back into Hux’s ass again. “Guide me to your prostate, asshole.”

Hux squirmed. “Well you obviously aren’t gonna find it with that kind of attitude.”

Kylo grit his teeth and counted to ten.

“I can tell you’re counting to ten.”

Kylo looked to god for answers but He gave none.

            Hux sighed. “Just let me do it.”

            Kylo leaned over and bit his shoulder. Hux gasped and relaxed. Kylo continued sucking as he poked and prodded his way through stretching his lordship out.

            “You’re not going to find it,” Hux said his voice light and breathless. Kylo moved on to his neck.

            Hux released a high mewling noise. There was a small slap as Hux covered his mouth. Kylo sat back on his heels and fingered the spot again. Hux arched off the bed.

            Kylo felt the smug grin smear over his face. Hux looked at him before rolling his eyes only to close them once Kylo began stroking his dick.

            “Told you communication is key.” Kylo said leaning down to lick Hux’s happy trail.

            “Fuck you.”

            “Later. Now it’s just fun.”

            Hux groaned in aggravation. “You’re the worst.”

            “Thanks,” Kylo said speeding up his movements and causing Hux to go silent as he edged closer to orgasm.

            “Kyyyyyyyyyylo,” Hux whined needy as he came. Kylo sat back and wiped off his hands as Hux came down.

            He stayed silent listening with pride to Hux’s ragged breathing.

            “Want to take control now?”

            Hux kicked him off the bed.

 

            “It’s the teacher.”

            Kylo raised an eyebrow. He pulled the spoon out of his mouth enjoying the cool slide of ice cream on his tongue.

            “What?”

            “The teacher is the serial killer,” Hux said taking a bite of his mint chocolate chip. He had stayed after giving a blow job and they had settled down to watch Erased since Hux was adamant that he watch at least on of the shows. Kylo was just happy to cuddle and share an experience with someone else.

            Kylo tongued his cheek.

            “How do you know?”

            Hux rolled his eyes.

            “He’s the only non-female wearing red and the man always enters from the shadows. No fucking way he’s not a killer”

            “Ten dollars it’s not him.”

            Hux eyed him contemplatively. “You’re on.”

            They were silent for a moment as the ending played. Kylo froze. Where was Chewie? He stood up.

            “What’s up?” Hux asked.

            “Chewie wasn’t in the house.” Kylo said slipping into flipflops and heading outside.

            “Hm?” Hux said following him barefoot. They both rounded the house to the backyard. Chewie was nowhere to be found. Kylo’s hear racketed. No, no, no…

            Hux walked over to the fence separating their houses and leaned over. His head lolled back and he caught Kylo’s eye.

            “That ugly thing humping my cat your dog?”

            Kylo lept up onto the fence to look and immediately regretted it. “Aw, common man.”

            Hux slid back to the ground. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

            Kylo followed him with a sigh. “At least we won’t have to worry about them getting along anymore.”

            Hux laughed and bent over his knees.

            “What?”

            “Idiot, they’ve probably been fucking for weeks it’s us that couldn’t get along.”

            Kylo covered his face. “Oh my god. Let’s just go back and finish the series.”

            Hux wiped tears from his face. “Yes, lets.”

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated until it is done.


End file.
